Without Her
by Kaneko Aikawa
Summary: Even after making a difficult decision, Yato is still taking this hard. Who will bring him out of his misery? What-If One-shot. Spoilers for chapters 50 and 51. Yatori


So I just read volume 13 of the Noragami manga (chapter 51 was the last chapter in it), and this one-shot came to mind. Now I know that there are more chapters afterwards, and it wasn't really clear if he cut ties. You could say it's one of those what-if ideas. However, THIS IS YOUR SPOILER ALERT WARNING! Also, you might want to get some tissues for this. I cried when I finished writing it.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Noragami. It's owned by Adachitoka and Kodansha comics. Otherwise, HIYORI AND YATO WOULD JUST GET TOGETHER ALREADY! Anyway, with that aside, here's the story. Once again, you were alerted of spoilers.

* * *

 **Without Her**

It was a lonely night, a dreary night. A lone man sat at a bar stool, drinking his depression away. He lost count of how many beers he drank, but they just kept on coming.

Deep purple strands covered his eyes as he sipped the amber liquid. He did not care about the effects the alcohol had on him, though he wished he had something stronger. His trademark, black sweat-suit was partially unzipped, and he did not bother to wear his scarf. Instead, the light blue cloth just lay wrinkled and partially scrunched next to his hand. There was no point in wearing it anymore.

Lights flickered overhead as he continued to drink, not thinking about how he would be able to pay for his drinks when he was finished for the night. He could do what he always did – have a certain four-eyed blessed vessel pay for it – but he did not want to deal with anyone right now, especially in his state of mind.

The god put his glass down and wiped his mouth on a black sleeve. His stomach churned as he slumped in his seat, placing his head on his arm.

The bartender seemed to be the only other person in the bar with the melancholy client. As he was cleaning the bar's glasses, he looked at the drunk in front of him. "You have been coming by every day of each week. I am beginning to get concerned. Perhaps you should go home," He suggested.

When the man spoke, his voice seemed lackluster, broken and empty. "What home?" He questioned, not moving from his position. "I don't have a home to go to."

"You have a shrine now, right?" The bartender pressed on. "Surely your shinki must be worried about you."

"Yukine has his own problems," the god replied. He knew that at home, there would be a young, teen-aged boy of messy blonde hair crying on his bed and grieving at that moment. "Besides...that shrine reminds me..." He felt a sting in his chest that felt like his heart breaking, "Of her."

"Her?" The bartender repeated.

"I don't want to talk about it," the god groaned, "besides; you're a bartender...not my therapist." He held out his hand as if asking for another beer.

The bartender pursed his lips as he studied the patron in front of him. He looked like he was at his limit, and if he had another beer, then this would not look for either of them or the business the bartender ran...even if it was just the two of them there. "You may be a god, but even you have limits, Yato-sama," the man lectured. "If that girl ever found out that-"

Yato's head shot up and the bartender froze mid-sentence when he stared into intensely furious orbs of bright blue. A dark aura surrounded him as the bartender's blood froze in his veins. "She doesn't REMEMBER me!" Yato yelled angrily. "She was EVERYTHING that I could ever ask for and I HAD to cut ties to _save her!_ " He reached over and grabbed the bartender's clothes to pull him toward his face. "So don't TELL me that she would find out about this! She's a human! I'm a god! This is Tamagahara! It would be impossible REGARDLESS!"

His eyes stung as tears started to brim them. "If it hadn't been for my FUCKING father screwing things up, then she would be by my side!" His grip laxed as he slumped once more. "All I have left...are memories of her...and memories of what we could have been." His shoulders shook as he sobbed, the tears now falling down his cheeks. "Only Yukine and I remember her...and only we can suffer in this deep loneliness while she is enjoying her life." He sobbed. "I didn't want to cut ties with her because she was the only real follower I ever had. She made my dreams come true. She knew that she wanted to be with me as well."

As Yato let go, the bartender fell quiet as his eyes softened. It was hard not to take pity on the poor man, especially for letting go of the most important person in his life.

Yato reached into his pocket and took out a ring. The band was white gold, with four elegant-cut diamonds crowning the top of it. He stared at the ring in his hand with his lifeless eyes as the tears continued to flow freely. "I was going to propose," He clutched the ring tightly as he made a fist, "but that won't happen." An empty smile formed on his lips as he laughed hoarsely. "It won't happen anymore."

The bartender just stared at the god in his moment of sorrow. He must have loved this girl with everything he had, only to have his everything ripped into pieces.

The god turned around in his stool and threw the ring at a wall, "IT WON'T HAPPEN! THANK YOU, YOU WORTHLESS EXCUSE FOR A FATHER!" However, due to lack of support, he fell to the ground just when he threw the ring. He did not care if he got hurt. He just stayed there lost in all of his misery.

"Perhaps I should contact one of your friends," the bartender suggested as he picked up the phone. "That is all I can do. Which one should I contact?" Yato didn't answer. The bartender nodded as he dialed a number.

In the three weeks that Yato had visited the bar, someone was always there to pick him up – whether it was Kofuku, Daikoku, Kazuma...even Bishamon. This was how the bartender knew them. However, none of them said anything to Yato. They just let him grieve since they knew that he would never listen to them regardless. Yukine was the only one who couldn't...for obvious reasons.

As the god lay there, he remembered the memories of how he cut ties with Hiyori. It was a very dramatic and horrific day for both of them. Hiyori was at school when she received a call that something was happening at the hospital.

When the three of them arrived – the third being Yukine of course, they encountered a riot. Patients and former employees were attacking the staff, shouting accusations of how the director of the hospital, Hiyori's father, mistreated them. Hiyori ran to see her parents while Yato and Yukine searched for Fujisaki Koto, the man who started this riot.

Fujisaki was Yato's father, a slimy and manipulative man who was the reason why Yato was the God of Calamity. He hated gods and humans alike, and mentally abused his own son into assassinating the disease known as humanity. He was also a crafter, a god who uses a special brush to create ayakashi – or phantoms – that prey on negative emotions of humans to possess them. He recently mastered the skill to possess humans completely and could also speak through the ayakashi that he created.

Bishamon arrived to help Yato, despite their differences, since she was tracking Fujisaki down for what he did to Ebisu. Ebisu was a god of fortune who aspired to be a crafter, but Fujisaki sent him to retrieve his special brush. This led to dire consequences for the god, who died in Bishamon's arms. (Note that I'm using the manga version and not the anime version)

After doing what he was told, Yato ran into the hospital, only to find Hiyori out of her body and her mother lying injured on a hospital bed. The love of his life was staring at him with intense and emotional eyes, which showed anger and extreme sorrow. Her mother attempted suicide in front of her, and she was just told by Fujisaki himself that it was her and Yato's fault.

The god was given two choices: cut her tail, which ensured her existence; or cut ties with her so that she can be normal. As he wrestled with this decision, there was a fight between them with Yato begging her to wake up.

Not long after the fight started, Hiyori remembered her precious friend's scent, the one she loved so much, and her emotions went into a different direction. This did not wake her up though, as she turned into a full ayakashi with cat ears and fangs. Her desire to be with Yato made her less human as she was falling more and more into the Far Shore, or spiritual realm.

Another fight ensued as Hiyori attacked him, and once again, Yato struggled. He needed to save her and fast. Once she pinned him to the ground, Fujisaki spoke again, saying that his son can also kill Hiyori and turn her into a shinki. Because the girl was corrupted, it would bring Yato endless amounts of suffering. Realizing that this would take her away from her loved ones and dreams, he hugged her as he told her to go back to her loved ones and come back to him as an old lady. As he spoke to her, Hiyori turned back to normal and then smiled at him before she disappeared.

Now here he was, on the floor of the bar where he had visited every day for 3 weeks since that incident. He waited until the bartender was finished, thinking that nothing would change this time around. It would probably be Kazuma or Kofuku coming by to pick him up and take him home. They would put him to bed and then walk out of the house, without a thing to say. It was always the same every night.

Suddenly, the door burst open as though the person was forcing him or herself through. Even in his drunken state, Yato was taken by surprise. Could it be Bishamon? He did not have a good relationship with her, and the force told him that it may be her. He braced himself for whatever beating she could give him, but then he heard something peculiar as he was picked up off the floor.

"Thanks for calling me, sir," The voice said. "I'll take it from here."

Since when did Bishamon have a young, male voice? Unless...that wasn't Bishamon... Yato shifted his blood-shot eyes toward the one that spoke. He saw a boy with a green, fur-lined coat. Blond hair framed his pale face, and some strands partially covered cold, pink eyes. "Yu...ki...ne?"

His blessed vessel did not look happy, but that was to be expected. However, why was he here? One moment, he was out of it and could not get out of his room. The next, he is here at the bar with Yato over his shoulder.

"Take care of him, Yukine-kun," The bartender said and the younger boy nodded.

He looked at Yato and growled, "Let's go home." Before Yato could say anything else, he immediately teleported out of the bar.

The two found themselves at home, a small place next door to Bishamon's estate. It was a simple place, but it was still home to both of them. Yukine dropped Yato onto the bed and walked out of the room.

As Yato hit the bed, he was confused. How could Yukine get over Hiyori so quickly? The last time he saw him, he was alone in his room and not moving from his spot. Now he is up and about and taking his master home. Did he learn some responsibility in these three miserable, long weeks?

A splash of cold water hit his face and he yelled in surprise. With his drenched locks clinging to his face, he quickly sat up. "What's the big idea, Yukine?!" He was immediately met with a punch to the nose, and his body twisted as soon as he was hit.

"The big _idea_ is that I have a master who's pathetic!" Yukine yelled. "Three weeks ago, you made the decision to let Hiyori go because YOU thought it was the best way to SAVE HER!"

"THIS WAS MY FAULT!" Yato argued. "THIS ALL HAPPENED BECAUSE SHE CONFRONTED MY FATHER ABOUT ME! I SHOULD BE PUNISHED FOR THIS, NOT HER!"

This earned Yato another slap in the face, which this time, made him collapse onto the edge of the bed. If anyone looked at Yukine right now, there was a great deal of rage in his eyes. "NOW you're acting sorry for yourself?! Now you're _**blaming**_ yourself?! That's letting your father win! I'm hurt too, but at least I have the BALLS to get over it and move on! YOU should do the same!"

Yato looked at Yukine, but his eyes widened when he saw angry tears streaming down the younger boy's face. "Yukine..."

" _Don't_ 'Yukine' me!" Yukine snapped. "You know what I said when you cut ties with her?! REMEMBER!"

Yato thought about what happened that day. After he cut ties with Hiyori, he looked at his vessel and asked him if he did the right thing. Yukine said he did not know...but the two of them should stay by her side. ...That was it! Even though Hiyori did not remember them, he had forgotten what his guide said. "Yukine, I..."

"Well?" Yukine waited, impatiently.

"I remember what you said," Yato trailed off, knowing what he must do now. If there was a way to make Fujisaki pay for all the pain he caused him over the years, he needed to focus on that. Also, even though it hurt him, he must go see her."You're right..."

"And what are you going to do?" Yukine questioned. Before he could get an answer, his master was suddenly gone in a blink of an eye. Where did that idiot teleport to? "Yato!" He was drunk, he was probably sleep-deprived, and he must be crazy to think that he can get away in his condition. Then again, the water and punch may have helped a little bit. The blessed vessel twitched, "You better come back, idiot..."

* * *

In the human world, Hiyori Iki closed her books. She had just finished her day's worth of studying for a major test happening at the end of the week, and now it was time to go to bed. After getting dressed into her white nightgown printed with pink petals, she walked into her bathroom to brush her teeth.

"Are you going to bed, Hiyori?" Her father called from the living room. Her mother was still in a comatose state in the hospital, and her father was relaxing after a long day of working in the hospital.

"I am, father," Hiyori called back. "Good night!"

"Good night, sweetheart."

She walked into her room and closed the door. When she saw some curtains flow in the breeze, she had a puzzled look on her face. Was her window always open? Not wanting to catch a draft as she slept, she closed the window shut before turning off her light. Then she pulled back her covers and got into bed, snuggling against her feather pillow before closing her eyes.

She did not notice Yato who was in the corner of her room, standing right next to her door. Call him a creep, but she would not see him anyway. The god walked closer to her and bent closer to her face, her pretty face that made his heart skip a beat every time he saw it. He gently smoothed her hair as he continued to gaze at her closed eyes.

He wondered what it would be like if she saw him right now. Would she kick him with one of her aggressively powerful kicks? Would she hold him close with a gorgeous smile on her face?

It did not matter, for she was safe from harm...safe from the dangers of the Far Shore. That was all he could ever ask for. Even though it hurt to think this way, he felt that he made the best decision of his life.

He leaned a little closer, and his lips touched hers. This was his first kiss...maybe his last? Who knows? He could move on down the road, but he did not want to...not right now.

He stopped kissing her and smiled as he lightly grabbed her hand. He was going to miss holding this delicate hand of hers. Once he brought her hand to his cheek, he remembered that night when she caressed his cheek during their talk about Yukine. With all his strength, he struggled not to cry in this bittersweet moment. All he wanted was to stay in this moment forever...if it were possible.

Knowing that it could never happen, he carefully put her hand down and stepped away from her. "Good bye, Hiyori," He softly whispered. "I'll probably see you in the future." He turned toward the window and stepped on the sill. As he jumped out, his heart broke with the last few words he will ever say:

"I love you."

* * *

And that's that! A little depressing...I know. I hope I did okay. Let me know in the reviews, and I will see you when I put out the next chapter of The Voiceless!


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